My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
