Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
