I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
