fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
