i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
