i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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