We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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