I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
