Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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