So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
