Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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