Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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