worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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