I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
