bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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