TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Operation Purity has been aborted
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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