theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
