Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
