Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
