Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
