ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
