i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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