I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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