We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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