So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Randomize
