is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
