Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
