We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
two words: eviction party
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
