The brown eye won't let me do that either.
please come you make the beer taste better
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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