Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Buhtt sex?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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