yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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