I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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