Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
