my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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