I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
