I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
