I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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