I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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