wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
