im about as happy as oj after his trial
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
