Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize