i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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