are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
