I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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