Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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