There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
