My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize