I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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