i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
it was like eating out sand paper
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
