I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
