dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
