do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I just gargled with NyQuil
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
