if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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