I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
My butt remains clenched, sir.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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