I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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