Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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