i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
