Plan B is the new Plan A
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
