You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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