May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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