I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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