He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
My vagina just clenched in fear
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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