I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Randomize
