found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
