I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I need to align my fucking chakras
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
