I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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